Flirting is fun. We all know it. Whether it’s a little smile at the barista or a perfectly timed, definitely exaggerated laugh at your work crush’s bad joke, it’s like a little hit of dopamine to brighten your day. But when you’re in a relationship, harmless flirting can start to feel like walking a tightrope. And sure, you might not be tiptoeing around actual cheating but… micro-cheating? You might be closer to it than you think.
Micro-cheating involves “small betrayals of trust,” according to Dr. Wendy Walsh, relationship expert at DatingAdvice. It’s the sneaky stuff that doesn’t scream “affair” but still feels a little shady — basically anything you probably wouldn’t tell your partner about. This can be flirting with strangers in public, DMing a “friend” who you know you think is super hot, or throwing hearts at every IG story your sexy coworker posts.
And though these things may seem harmless in the grand scheme of things, they might be hurting your relationship more than you think.
What Is Micro-Cheating?
Micro-cheating is basically the Diet Coke of cheating: it’s not a full-blown betrayal, but it still leaves a weird aftertaste. Walsh explains that these small acts — like secret DMs with attractive people or liking thirst traps on Instagram — can erode trust over time. And because these actions often seem too minor to call out, the partner being micro-cheated on might feel confused, insecure, and unsure about where the boundaries lie. Eventually, that confusion can snowball into full-on mistrust.
Why would someone bother micro-cheating? As Walsh puts it, a micro-cheater is likely trying to “test one’s value in the mating marketplace or to curate a roster of back-up mates.”
The tricky part is that what counts as micro-cheating isn’t one-size-fits-all. For some people, liking a bikini pic might be no big deal, but for others, it feels like emotional treason. The key, Walsh says, is communication.
What Do I Do If My Partner Is Micro-Cheating?
Back when Instagram had its Following tab, it was a lot easier to catch micro-cheating. Now that it doesn’t, it’s a little more complicated. But say you found out your partner did something that doesn’t quite sit right with you. First things first: bring it up ASAP.
Walsh warns that staying silent can be taken as a green light. But when you do bring it up, you also don’t want to do it with guns blazing. Instead of accusing your partner of being a budget Casanova, focus on your feelings. Say things like, “I feel hurt when you do XYZ,” because it draws attention to how their actions affect you. Then, work together to set some ground rules that restore trust. Maybe it’s agreeing to limit flirty banter with coworkers or establishing clear boundaries around social media.
If your partner brushes it off or gets defensive? That’s a red flag and might indicate bigger issues in your relationship. Whether that entails a visit to a relationship therapist or a serious discussion about if you and your partner should stay together is up to you.
Help! I Think I’ve Been Micro-Cheating On My Partner
So you’ve been the one double-tapping your way through Instagram like it’s a cardio workout or casually sliding into DMs for “networking.” Now what? Walsh suggests asking yourself some tough questions: Why do you feel the need to micro-cheat? Is it about your self-esteem, or are you feeling unfulfilled in your relationship? If it’s the latter, it might be time to address those issues head-on. Therapy — whether solo or as a couple — can help you sort through your feelings and find healthier ways to feel validated.
Micro-cheating might not mean the end of your relationship, but it’s definitely a sign that something needs attention. And hey, if you’re going to flirt, maybe save it for your partner. They deserve it, don’t you think?
