If you’ve listened to her sage advice on everything from relationships to self-compassion, it’s easy to believe that Mel Robbins, 56, has all the answers. But the host of the #1 podcast globally—with 200 million downloads and counting—is the first to say that’s not exactly true.
In her newest #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory, Mel reveals how true contentment doesn’t come from always being in control. On the contrary, it often stems from knowing when to let go of it.
Whether you’re overwhelmed by the bad news cycle or struggling with caregiving tasks, “those two words—let them—help you recognize that something out there is not within your power, and that your energy is worth protecting,” Mel tells FIRST as our latest cover star (buy your copy here).
Keep reading to discover how her Let Them theory is helping women find their true strength.
How Let Them fosters inner peace
Mel’s empowering theory starts with recognizing that your strength rests in what you’re willing to let go of. “You make the mistake of telling yourself that you are helpless, and that there’s nothing you can do. But that’s not true,” she promises. “You always have power inside you, through your attitude and your actions and through how you respond to what’s happening.”
This philosophy applies to every facet of life, from the endless news cycle spiking your stress levels to the specter of layoffs at work, she adds. “I can’t control the headlines. They already happened. Let them. The layoffs already happened. Let them.”
“The truth is, things play out how they play out, and there’s only so much in your control. It’s ironic: By letting go of the need for power, I feel more peaceful and powerful. Rather than teaching you something new, I’m reminding you of a truth you’ve always known—the wisdom intrinsic in every human being.”
Mel Robbins reveals the importance of prioritizing your needs
“I’m just looking to be a little happier, to feel connected to loved ones, to take better care of myself—if I can do those things, my life improves… we women forget we matter, and the little things we do for ourselves matter,” encourages the busy mom of one son, Oakley, 20, and two daughters, Kendall, 24, and Sawyer, 26, who co-wrote The Let Them Theory with Mel.
She adds that joy can often be found in the little things. “Watching our kids kind of verbally assault one another in a funny way and joke around makes me happy. I also love listening to the birds sing and seeing the sky. And I get a ton of joy from gardening.”
“I really have realized that if you want to be happier, you must allow yourself to be happier,” she continues. “I’m not looking to live to be 150 years old. I’m not looking to make a billion dollars. I’m looking to be a little happier.”
Why Let Them is the right mindset now
“What I’ve done is taken ancient wisdom, philosophical ideas and spiritual practices that have been in place since the beginning of time,” says Mel. “And through my personal experiences, I just turned it into a tool that we can use in modern life.”
“And I think that there are some things in life that are just divine, I really do,” Mel adds. “I don’t think if I had tried to make this book or this concept as successful or as viral as it is, it would have worked,” she acknowledges. “I just feel like there are times in life where the forces that be say, ‘Now is the time for the world to be reminded of this.’”
“No matter how powerless the world makes you feel, you always have power inside you, through your attitude and through your actions.” —Mel Robbins
Nourish your soul with ‘mindful meals’
Sharing good food with the people she loves is foundational in Mel’s life. After all, self-care means tending to mind, spirit and body—including our stomach. “My go-to recipe is Sheet-Pan Chicken with Jammy Tomatoes and Pancetta by Melissa Clark,” she reveals.
“I make it all the time; it’s on permanent rotation. It has cumin and fennel seed, tomatoes and bacon, and you can throw some kale in there,” she says. “Add a bit of paprika and stir it all up. Oh, it’s so delicious! And there’s a recipe in Joshua McFadden’s cookbook, Six Seasons: A New Way with Vegetables, called “Beef,” with lots and lots of onions, where you take the biggest hunk of beef you can find and, like, five pounds of onions and a 1/4 cup of wine. It’s absolutely unbelievable.”
Ease caregiver stress by asking one Let Them question
Much like The Serenity Prayer—which asks for the strength to accept what can’t be changed, the courage to change what can and the wisdom to know the difference—Mel’s Let Them theory encourages releasing that which is out of your control. And perhaps no one needs permission to do that more than caregivers.
If you’re always on “high alert” and feel pressure to fix everything for an aging parent, for example, “ask yourself what you’re trying to fix,” Mel suggests, adding that Let Them doesn’t mean abdicating responsibility for loved ones. Rather, it means finding comfort in acceptance. “It forces you to stop resisting where things are and start living in the reality of where things are,” she explains.
Not only does this ease your stress, it also shows your loved ones the respect of autonomy, of agency. “When we come marching in with solutions, we’re bumping up against their need to feel in control of themselves. And allowing somebody to still feel like they have some level of control is respecting their dignity as a human being.”
To do just that, you might ask them a deceptively simple question: “Have you thought about what you might want to do about [fill in the blank, from Dad’s driving to Mom moving into an assisted living facility]?” In the end, Let Them helps you embrace one central truth: “Caregiving is a thing you do—it is not who you are,” says Robbins. Letting go of this weight might be the ultimate way to let yourself reclaim your power and happiness.
